no title story

It was my first love…

When I was 20…

I got to know him from the net…

He just caught my attention right from the start… just because his birth date falls on the same day with the very first guy I like…

We started talking online… then on the phone…

Within a few days… we decided to meet up…

Love at first sight… by the end of the date… we were attached…

Our love was passionate.

We got intimate.

I’d always been fine with intimacy… but I had really wanted to keep my virginity or at least not gave it away so easily.

At the age of 20… to be honest… I didn’t quite know what sex is.

This is absolutely absurd right… given that kids nowadays know it better than a 20 year old…

So he took it away… without my consent..

He probably thought he didn’t need to ask… I didn’t know what he was doing until I felt strange…

I guess I became more vulnerable after I gave it to him…

I had really wanted to be with him… I was oblivious to the fact of our great educational gap.

I didn’t think it matter any way.

Yes, I was really naïve. I guess by now, it’s obvious.

3 weeks after we did it. He wanted a break-up.

He said he had never felt useless till he met me.

I was devastated.

How could I not?

I tried means and ways to keep him.

Including sex.

He rode along with it.

Which guy wouldn’t?

I further inflict pain on myself.

Things spiraled out of control.

By the end of the game, I was crying almost everyday.

I needed to be on depression pills for months.

It still remains as a scar till today.

A friend just reminded me.

I could let it remain as a scar or I could see it as an experience.

I met someone new again when I was 21…

But things didn’t really turn out well… although I guess I wish to fall in love all over again…

Who doesn’t like falling in love?

He said I was too defensive…

At the same time, there was another girl lurking in the background too…

I was strong-headed.

I thought, fine, these are not strong reasons to prove that you really do like me anyway.

Then….my private life went complete chaotic and downhill...

I wouldn’t much elaborate.

I would only say…

Unconventional ways of BGR… I’d probably tried them all…

I would pinpoint that to my very first break-up… after that devastating hurt…

I guess there is no need for anyone to waste their time to know in depth about my life story.

All I wanna say is…

I think what I’m going to say is downright anti-climax.

Sex education is absolutely essential and necessary.

And parents should never easily think that by providing food and financial support is sufficient enough to say that they’d fulfilled their responsibility as parents.

To be honest, I could probably somehow blame my parents for the way I am today.

Then again… I am the one who does not want to pick myself up again.