a december dream
this is my 4th relationship. not much for a 29 year old but given that my 2nd relationship lasted 4 years (my longest) and my first relationship started at the age of 16, i consider myself a newbie in love.
i met her at Queenway shopping centre. she was a friend's friend. she was there shopping for a pair of running shoes. i was there for dinner. i was charmed by her after the shopping trip. Maybe it was her looks, maybe it was her legs, maybe it was her girlish smile, but something drawn me to her....a lot. A short exchange of smses soon followed, and shortly we were studying together for our respective exams. Maybe it was fate or the timing of things, within two week we were together. I remembered the date was 28th of nov, i held her hands as we walked from her place's 7-11 to her home. she did not let go. later that night, she asked me what's our status, i said i don't know. by the end of our phone conversation we were attached.
i always remembered the 1st two week of our relationship. we talked about a possible future for both of us. we talked about how we could be the pillar of strenght for one another. we talked about how we could grown as a couple. we talked about how we wanted the relationship to last. we were in love.
things start to change after a while. she started remembering her past relationship. she had some issues which she couldn't let go off. sometimes, she would get very upset. she said she couldn't forget about her previous 4 1/2 years relatonship. she felt bad and unfair for me. i said i didn't mind. the more upset she got, the more i tried to be nice to her. stayed up late to make sure she's alright. show her more love. but i did not know that such affection would pressurized her instead. i did not know if you love a person too much, it could end up hurting your relationship.
the turning point came when i was leaving on holiday soon to somewhere with a friend. we were leaving on the 30th. our 1st month anniversary was on the 28th. she had an eye infection then. as a result, she couldn't meet up. i wanted so much to meet up with her...cos i would not be seeing her for 1 week. she couldn't get my point. she felt more pressurized. in the end, i went for my holiday. we did not meet.
we broke up on the same day when i came back. she said that she feel pressurized by me and she felt that she wasn't ready for a commitment. i could only feel my heart break.
they said when a woman wants to break up with you, there's million of reasons or excuses that she could come up with you. but you will never know the real reasons for the break up. they say, when a woman wants to break up with you, just let her go...which i did.
although i know it is not possible, but i still harbour thoughts of us together. maybe we were too rush into a relationship, maybe she wasn't ready, maybe we were both wrong. maybe...a lot of maybes...
i only hoped that one day she could let herself go, be free of all her issues and hopefully one day, she would remembered that a foolish man had loved her a lot once.
If december is a dream, i hope i never woke up from this deep slumber.
Ever since we broke up, i been thinking a lot of what happened during this 1 month. i realised that how immature and insecure i was. maybe it was my 1st relationship in quite a while. maybe it was because i really wanted to make sure this relationship works (she was really close to my "ideal girl"). if i had been more rational and "level - headed" in handling this relationship, maybe... just maybe... this relationship would have worked. I mean how would i really know i love this girl so much. we had only meet for less than a week. the attraction and liking were there. she was more mature than i am. i was not. i always thought i knew a lot about "love". i only now realised i knew only so little.
however, one thing always puzzled me. she said it was because of her nature of her job that she did not tell a lot of people about her relationship with me. was it really because of her job or was it because she din tell them because they were potential "maybes"? sadly , you would never find me in her life as the many few pictures that we had taken together were never displayed in either her facebook or friendster...maybe i was only just a halfway house for her....i guess i never know...if only we had communicated more...
by december dream 1140pm 5th jan 2008
i met her at Queenway shopping centre. she was a friend's friend. she was there shopping for a pair of running shoes. i was there for dinner. i was charmed by her after the shopping trip. Maybe it was her looks, maybe it was her legs, maybe it was her girlish smile, but something drawn me to her....a lot. A short exchange of smses soon followed, and shortly we were studying together for our respective exams. Maybe it was fate or the timing of things, within two week we were together. I remembered the date was 28th of nov, i held her hands as we walked from her place's 7-11 to her home. she did not let go. later that night, she asked me what's our status, i said i don't know. by the end of our phone conversation we were attached.
i always remembered the 1st two week of our relationship. we talked about a possible future for both of us. we talked about how we could be the pillar of strenght for one another. we talked about how we could grown as a couple. we talked about how we wanted the relationship to last. we were in love.
things start to change after a while. she started remembering her past relationship. she had some issues which she couldn't let go off. sometimes, she would get very upset. she said she couldn't forget about her previous 4 1/2 years relatonship. she felt bad and unfair for me. i said i didn't mind. the more upset she got, the more i tried to be nice to her. stayed up late to make sure she's alright. show her more love. but i did not know that such affection would pressurized her instead. i did not know if you love a person too much, it could end up hurting your relationship.
the turning point came when i was leaving on holiday soon to somewhere with a friend. we were leaving on the 30th. our 1st month anniversary was on the 28th. she had an eye infection then. as a result, she couldn't meet up. i wanted so much to meet up with her...cos i would not be seeing her for 1 week. she couldn't get my point. she felt more pressurized. in the end, i went for my holiday. we did not meet.
we broke up on the same day when i came back. she said that she feel pressurized by me and she felt that she wasn't ready for a commitment. i could only feel my heart break.
they said when a woman wants to break up with you, there's million of reasons or excuses that she could come up with you. but you will never know the real reasons for the break up. they say, when a woman wants to break up with you, just let her go...which i did.
although i know it is not possible, but i still harbour thoughts of us together. maybe we were too rush into a relationship, maybe she wasn't ready, maybe we were both wrong. maybe...a lot of maybes...
i only hoped that one day she could let herself go, be free of all her issues and hopefully one day, she would remembered that a foolish man had loved her a lot once.
If december is a dream, i hope i never woke up from this deep slumber.
Ever since we broke up, i been thinking a lot of what happened during this 1 month. i realised that how immature and insecure i was. maybe it was my 1st relationship in quite a while. maybe it was because i really wanted to make sure this relationship works (she was really close to my "ideal girl"). if i had been more rational and "level - headed" in handling this relationship, maybe... just maybe... this relationship would have worked. I mean how would i really know i love this girl so much. we had only meet for less than a week. the attraction and liking were there. she was more mature than i am. i was not. i always thought i knew a lot about "love". i only now realised i knew only so little.
however, one thing always puzzled me. she said it was because of her nature of her job that she did not tell a lot of people about her relationship with me. was it really because of her job or was it because she din tell them because they were potential "maybes"? sadly , you would never find me in her life as the many few pictures that we had taken together were never displayed in either her facebook or friendster...maybe i was only just a halfway house for her....i guess i never know...if only we had communicated more...
by december dream 1140pm 5th jan 2008
posted by lovestoriesproject at
6:01 AM
3 Comments:
my heart pains as i read on in this - much as i tot u may be well & fine like u have said, well maybe u dun realie mean ur words. it's good to leave a dream at times - at least u dreamt, thou u may reluctantly be awakened eventually & be teased for ur foolish fantasies. But still face it, for there had been moments of joy right! Brave up man, bet you will!
i don't know her well enough to say whether she really meant the reason she gave. maybe give her some time? if she had really loved you as much as you loved her, but had some problems letting go, in time, you'll be back together again. if she doesn't mean it, she wouldn't even want to meet up with you as a friend. maintain your friendship, you never know what the future may hold :)
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